As Yet Untitled

Sometimes I sit and wonder what I'm missing while I'm in the library and life is happening outside.

I realized today that Christmas is a mere 6 days away, and so far, I've bought one present (even suckier-- surprise was ruined because somebody had to be a nerd and beat me to the punch =P). I've missed all the crowds at the mall, which, in and of itself isn't too terrible, but I do miss getting into the holiday spirit. In a desperate attempt to not have it ALL pass me by, I loaded up my ipod with Christmas songs, and I've been listening to O Holy Night on repeat.

I haven't emailed or chatted with almost all of my friends outside of law school in almost a month, much less seen or talked with them. I don't know what's going on w/ J's wedding planning, or M's class, or school for other people, lives in different cities, grad school, new houses, med school, careers, impending or recent engagements, matching interviews, etc etc. I'm a terrible friend because the only thing I can do when people call me is either hit the decline button (yes, I admit it, and I'm sorry), or whisper, "I'm in the library! Call you after 12/21!" When I do have contact w/ people, it's all about me, getting through finals, etc etc. When did I become so self-centered? I wonder about the relationships I'm missing out on, especially at what's such an exciting time in most of my friends' lives.

I haven't watched any TV for the past few days, have no idea what's going on in the world beyond these hallowed halls, and have had very few conversations that don't inlcude the words "jurisdiction", "mens rea", or "stop telling those bad jokes, vince."

The news of another friend's engagement today (congrats T & D!!) have opened these floodgates. I'm thrilled for the couple, but it makes me wonder if law school will leave me with enough time to grow into that same happy ending in the next three years.

(I promise, my whining is coming to an end soon.)

So I guess after all this complaining, my question comes down to this: is it worth it? Despite it all, my answer is still yes. It's such a rare gift to have my work be my passion, and to know that God's plans for me are perfect. At the beginning of finals, I was listening to NPR and I heard two feature stories about 2 men who received the death sentence. Their stories were such compelling reminders of His calling, of what this is all for.

And so this motivation, and the handful of great people I've met in school, are getting me through, day by day. Well, that, and the thought of going to my torts final with my dancing shoes on in anticipation of a huge post-finals celebration. Oh, and of course the thought of talking to a big mouse on Friday. ;)

Sorry if you endured this entire meandering, poorly written post. I just took a final, used up all my good writing to explain homicide.

I miss you all, can't wait to catch up with all of you soon.