As Yet Untitled

I moved into my apartment a few months ago, looking forward to living on my own and with high hopes of making a cozy little roost for myself. I bought new (used) furniture, decorated my walls, and shook the dust off my feet before entering my humble little home.

Two months later, those bright hopes have dulled under a cloud of cigarette stench that STILL clings to my walls and carpet, even after 2 months of the finest plug-ins, carpet deodorizers, and Febreeze that Target has to offer. Apparently, the deadbeat Korean couple (and I say deadbeat because they left numerous utility bills unpaid when they moved out) that lived here before me enjoyed living in an ashtray. Throw in almost-non-existent cell phone reception, a handful of noisy Latino neighbors-- how many days can you consecutively listen to Gasolina on repeat w/out being clinically insane (or deaf)?? -- and a crapload of pigeons and their, well, crap, and I officially hate my apartment. I predict my knowledge of landlord/tenant law and terminating leases will come quite in handy before my lease is up.

I have a point, other than whining, I promise.

I'm about at my wit's end, and I'm pretty sure the building manager hates me, too, because I've been in to complain several times a week for the past few weeks. Last week, I stepped out onto the patio to talk property because it's the only place where I won't drop my calls every two seconds, when I glanced over to my left and saw a DEAD PIGEON wedged into the space where the patio wall hits the ground. I almost shat my pants but I kept my calm because I really needed to know what happens to an easement when someone adversely possesses an appurtenant estate. After, I stormed the manager's office and demanded immediate removal of the pigeon carcass. BARF BARF.

This week, I came home after an exam and I found my sink looking like someone had crapped in it. Apparently, one of my neighbors had poured their entire dinner down the sink, ground it up, clogged up their sink, and sent the lovely mess up out of my drain and into my sink. BARF BARF.

Yesterday, the light in my kitchen stopped working. But, I digress.

Today, I again stepped out onto my patio to make a phone call and tried to chase the pigeons away. One particularly rotund pigeon seemed reluctant to leave, so I had to toss some water at it (yes, I'm heartless, I know) to make it fly away. It and its cohorts settled on my neighbor's patio wall and fixed me w/ a beady stare. Reminded me of the Goodfeathers from the Animaniacs. So gross. Anyhow, I thought it kind of strange that it took so long for the bird to leave, and, plagued by a sneaking supsicion, I crept over to where it had been sitting. Sure enough, I found two little PIGEON EGGS in the crevice where the pigeon had been nesting. BARF BARF.

So here's my dilemma. What the heck do I do with those eggs? On one hand, I certainly do NOT want a family of pigeons taking up even more of a permanent residence on my patio. On top of that, I don't want baby pigeons crying outside my window all day and all night... I have a hard enough time sleeping w/ the adult pigeons cooing like mad (egged on, no doubt, by the mariachi music blaring from my neighbor's stereo). On the other hand, I don't want to be responsible for two pigeons not being born. I know, I know... it would probably benefit the world to have two less flying rats, but still... The building manager suggested I just pick up the eggs and toss them in the trash, but I get heebie jeebies thinking about that because what if they break when I drop them? BAAAAAAAARFF. I've thought about placing them on the other side of the wall, but I dunno... I feel like that's just not right. On top of being extremely squeamish at the thought of touching the nasty little eggs, I just feel bad. Something about God creating man and giving us stewardship over living things... somehow I feel like getting rid of the eggs wouldn't be faithful stewardship. Is that lame? Am I taking this particular Bible lesson too much to heart?

Like I said before, I'm at my wit's end, and the eggs are just about the final straw. Unfortunately, breaking my lease and moving out is just not feasible at this moment. What do I do? HELP!!