As Yet Untitled

Before I started working this semester, a certain friend (let's call him Barry Tuang) kept telling me that I shouldn't do it because peedee work messes you up in the head. I admit it, I scoffed. Now, one month into it, I'm still not saying that Ga-- I mean, Barry, is right. On the contrary, I'm really liking it so far. But, there are things that are really difficult about the job, even just as a law clerk.

I'm working in ju.venile cou.rt, and I spend my days interviewing the kiddies and writing mo.tions or researching issues mostly pertaining to crimi.nal proce.dure. I'm not sure, since I haven't done it yet, but I think working with kids must be sadder than working with adults because when they're kids and they're messing up, sometimes it's just so apparent that it's not just because they're bad. I don't think I've had one kid yet that has made me think, this kid deserves to be in ja.il because s/he's just bad bad bad. For the most part, they're just kids and they make stupid decisions and stupid mistakes, and they could use a good slap upside the head, but they're far from hardened cr.iminals. And for most of them, as cliche as it sounds, the system has failed them. And, this job makes me wonder what eq.ual pro.tection and the 14.th Ame.ndment is supposed to mean when in all the time that I've been working, I've only interviewed 2 or 3 white kids.

Anyhow, here's where it gets hard. To some degree, in order to be comfortable with this type of work, I have to be able to understand the cl.ient. That's not to say that I agree with the person, or I think everyone is inn.ocent, or that I want to excuse any wrongdoing. But to some degree, I have to be able to reconcile myself to the idea that I'm helping someone who may have done something wrong, and in many cases did something gravely wrong. Now, there are loads of reasons why I think it's justified-- it's better to let lots of people go free than to mistakenly imp.rison one person, just because someone bro.ke the l.aw doesn't mean they shouldn't have any rig.hts, etc. etc. But, in order to go beyond the abstract, to look at the person in front of me and really believe that they deserve whatever help I can give them, I need to be able to understand, on some level, why they may have done the things they are ac.cused of doing. I need to do this so that I don't feel compelled to sit in jud.gment, so that I'm not contemptuous, and so that I can still be humble with these people. And for the most part, it's not that difficult. Not that I would ever say these things are right, but I can understand what might drive a person to beat, mu.rder, ro.b, bu.rglarize, etc. But I have a REALLY hard time understanding se.x cri.mes, particularly those against children. It's hard for me to look at someone co.nvicted of ra.ping his younger brother, even if he's only 13 himself. It's hard for me to want to help that person. It's hard for me to believe that the person deserves anything less than what the ju.dge would throw at him. I guess that process is what might get you a little messed up in the head.

But then again, I feel like anything one is passionate about might get one a little messed up in the head... like guns, huh Barry?

In other work news, I made a kid AW.OL from co.urt yesterday. I mistakenly gave him some info that led him to believe he would be sent to b.oot ca.mp, and he got scared and ran. He probably wouldn't have been deta.ined, but now there's be.nch wa.rrant out for his ar.rest and he'll probably be thrown in ju.vie for a few days... or weeks, maybe? :( I'm gonna be a crappy peedee. :(